


Dagger Dagger

by Earlgreyer



Category: Forgotten Realms
Genre: Drinking, Kissing, M/M, Semi-consensual touching, Stabbing, men kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earlgreyer/pseuds/Earlgreyer
Summary: Jarlaxle and Dwahvel make a bet.  There are surprises and daggers all round.





	Dagger Dagger

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Legend_of_the_D_kinkmeme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Legend_of_the_D_kinkmeme) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
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> Artemis is really bad at using his mouth for anything besides threatening people. And he wasn't exactly getting laid regularly before he met Jarlaxle. There's a reason for that. Artemis isn't inexperienced, he's just inept. At least that's what his partners keep saying. One thing leads to another, and Jarlaxle finds himself in the position of instructor to one very prickly assassin.
> 
> So I didn't quite stick to the prompt, but I think I kept the spirit of it.

“...really a shame. He’s perfect otherwise. So incredibly handsome in that broody, dangerous way, doesn’t talk too much, definitely has the right equipment.” The woman wasn’t even trying to be quiet. She probably thought her words would be lost to anyone but her companion now that the tavern was packed and the usual revelry was in full swing. “He tried well enough, I suppose. It was just… perfunctory.” 

Jarlaxle’s exceptional elven hearing allowed him to eavesdrop on the conversation while appearing to be doing nothing of the kind. It wasn’t that he enjoyed gossip, it just proved to be so very useful given the right circumstances. If he listened long enough he might determine who they were raking over the coals, and that information might make the difference in saving his skin someday. 

“Did you enjoy any of it?” The utter shock in her companion’s voice briefly stirred pity in Jarlaxle’s breast. 

“Eh. It was… fine.” 

“What a waste!”

“I know. Right?” Both women sighed and sat in silence for a moment, though whether in disappointment or disgust, Jarlaxle couldn’t tell. “Artemis Entreri may be the most feared assassin in Faerûn, but he’s no slayer in bed.”

The stifled laugh from behind the bar grabbed Jarlaxle’s attention. He squinted at Dwahvel Tiggerwillies. “You have exceptional hearing.” The _for a halfling_ was implied. 

She laughed. “It’s not like those two were trying to be quiet. Nor is it the first time I’ve overheard that. Good thing Entreri isn’t much into the opinion _or_ company of others.”

Jarlaxle nodded. Not a word of what Dwahvel said was untrue. Artemis was surly on a good day. On a bad day it was best to be far far away. Unless you were Jarlaxle. Artemis threatened him daily with any number of violent acts, but he never followed through. Not in the way he did with everyone else. Jarlaxle _knew_ Artemis had a soft spot for him in the same way he knew neither would ever admit it. The fact that Artemis hadn’t killed him yet was proof enough. 

Though there was more to it than that. Jarlaxle felt an ever-present undercurrent of sexual tension between the two of them whenever Artemis was near. For his part, Artemis was ignoring it, or, more likely, in denial. Jarlaxle had seen Artemis in action both in and out of the bedroom, and in both situations the encounters were transactional at best. Sex didn’t seem to be a thing Artemis frequently wanted or required. At least not based on how often he attempted it. There would never be odes of love written, or crimes of passion committed by or for Artemis Entreri. Jarlaxle grinned at Dwahvel. “Artemis is very selective of the company he keeps. Definitely a handful.” 

Dwahvel narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying _you’ve_ had a handful?” 

Jarlaxle shrugged nonchalantly. “Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time. It would only take a nudge.” Artemis _would_ require a little coaxing. Well, maybe a _lot_ of coaxing, but Jarlaxle was confident he could accomplish it, if he chose to. Dwahvel didn’t look the least bit convinced. “Truly. It’s not for lack of opportunity, either, but to this point, I haven’t given the situation my full attention.”

“Oh, right. Because no one can resist you when you put your mind to it.” She shook her head and mopped a spot on the bar.

“Joke all you want. There’s a reason Artemis is less than attentive elsewhere.” Jarlaxle flopped his hand in the general direction of the two women.

Dwahvel glanced past him as the door to the bar opened. “Are you saying if you _put your full attention_ to it, you could, what? Get him naked and in your bed? Teach him a thing or two about how it’s done?” Dwahvel slapped two shot glasses on the bar and poured a deep brown liquid into each. 

Jarlaxle grinned. “Yes, but I think Artemis already knows a thing or two. He’s only been uninspired to date.” 

Dwahvel snorted. “And you would _inspire_ him?”

“Absolutely. Without doubt.”

“You’d never be able to prove it. He’s not likely to let you attempt something like that in public, and if you tried he’d stab you immediately.” Dwahvel watched Entreri weave his way through the crowd, glaring daggers at everyone.

Jarlaxle waved a hand dismissively. “Of course. He would never agree to sex in public.” Which, really, was such a shame, but it would most definitely be off the table. And the floor. And the wall. “But a kiss?” Jarlaxle flashed a cocky smile. 

“I still say he’d gut you where you stood.”

“My dear Dwahvel, I realize we don’t know each other that well, but let me assure you, Artemis would not only let me kiss him in public but he would respond to that kiss with such passion it would seem as if those women spoke of someone else entirely.” 

“Fine. Five gold says he stabs you for even attempting it.” 

“Done.” He and Dwahvel raised their glasses to each other and downed the liquid in one go. Jarlaxle set the glass on the bar and closed his eyes, enjoying the smooth tingling in his throat and the warmth spreading through his limbs. 

Dwahvel motioned across the tavern. “Well, here’s your chance.”

Jarlaxle turned to see Artemis shove his way past a knot of patrons, scowl firmly in place, and ignore the two women who had been disparaging him earlier. “Your meeting didn’t go as planned?”

Artemis grunted, and gestured to the bottle sitting on the bar in front of Dwahvel. “I’ll take whatever that is. Make it two.”

“Thank you, Artemis. That’s very thoughtful.” Jarlaxle smiled and leaned toward him.

Artemis scowled and pulled the double shot in front of himself. “Get your own. I’m not funding your drinking.”

“So the meeting _didn’t_ go as planned.” Jarlaxle gestured to Dwahvel to pour him another. Artemis ignored him and drank the contents of the glass in one swallow. Dwahvel raised an eyebrow and looked at Jarlaxle. “Alright then. Pour my angry friend here another.”

Dwahvel poured another two fingers of the brown liquid into Artemis’ glass. “I don’t think this is going to help.” She looked at them. “Either of you.”

“It will.” Both he and Artemis responded in unison and downed their drinks. 

Dwahvel snorted and set the bottle between them. “Fine. As long as I get paid for what you consume, drink what you want.”

Jarlaxle poured himself another and held out the bottle. Artemis considered it for a moment and shook his head. “I’m fine. Leave it.”

“I’m only trying to help take your mind off your troubles.” Jarlaxle’s face was all innocence. 

Artemis glared. “Really. What’s in it for you?”

“I’m hurt!” He pressed his hand over his heart and gave his best wounded look. “Really, abbil. I only want to help.”

Artemis rolled his eyes. “Help yourself, you mean.” He took a breath and squinted at Jarlaxle. “What form would this help take?”

It was the opening he’d been looking for. Jarlaxle stared into Artemis’ eyes, trying to judge how likely he was to end up exactly as Dwahvel had anticipated, feeling cold steel slip between his ribs. But Artemis was four shots in, there were signs of relaxation at the corners of his eyes, and an almost imperceptible lessening of his ever-present scowl, which, for Entreri, was almost as good as a smile. 

Jarlaxle placed a hand over Artemis’ and took it as a good omen when no bloodshed ensued. “There are many possible ways, abbil.” He was in dangerous territory and needed to tread lightly. “More drink, for one.” He brushed his thumb slowly across the back of Artemis’. “Or perhaps some other distraction.” He expected Artemis to go for his dagger, or at the very least, yank his hand away, and was surprised he’d done neither. 

There _had_ been no small amount of flirting and teasing between them. Well at least on Jarlaxle’s part. Situations just seemed to lend themselves to sexual innuendo, and ribald joking, and Artemis was so easily flustered. It was adorable, really. Jarlaxle loved making Artemis sputter and glare, and the quickest way to accomplish that was to flirt outrageously with him. 

Although, Jarlaxle wasn’t completely sure Artemis understood flirting. He’d never actually seen him attempt it, unless threatening people with bodily harm was a form of flirting, and if that was the case, Artemis flirted with everyone. It made Jarlaxle pause. Perhaps _not_ stabbing someone was Artemis’ version of flirting. In which case, Artemis really did have a soft spot for him. And now they were touching unnecessarily, without bloodshed. A warm feeling spread outward from the center of Jarlaxle’s chest. 

He was brought back to reality as Artemis pulled his hand away and scowled, pouring himself another drink before throwing it back and slamming the glass on the bar. “I need to take a piss.” He turned and headed toward the back of the taproom. 

Jarlaxle watched him stalk off and looked to his own drink, startled when Dwahvel spoke. “Well, you haven’t been stabbed yet, but it seemed close there for a moment.” She refilled Artemis’ glass and smirked at Jarlaxle. 

“If I play my cards properly there may yet be stabbing, my dear, but with Artemis’ _other_ dagger.” He grinned and forced his body to relax although he was thrumming with the possibilities. He might actually win the wager. The possibility was more exciting than a simple bet should be. It was because of the gold. Not anything else. Obviously. 

Dwahvel rolled her eyes and moved down the bar again as Artemis returned. He left more space between them and didn’t look at Jarlaxle. 

Jarlaxle considered him. Artemis almost never let his guard down or allowed himself to get carried away with emotion, other than anger. Even then, most times it was a measured response. It was no wonder sex was barely above transactional for him. That kind of experience required more trust than Artemis had with most people. Except, perhaps, with him. The thought made Jarlaxle bolder than usual.

“Abbil, do you feel safe here?”

Artemis narrowed his gaze. “As safe as anywhere.”

“Really? I would think you’d feel safer here. You know Dwavel doesn’t allow just anyone in here, and she has your back regardless. Do you think she’d let something happen to you without a warning?”

“What are you planning, Jarlaxle?”

“Nothing!” Artemis just glared. “Alright, perhaps a small something. With your permission, of course.”

Artemis didn’t hesitate. “No.”

Jarlaxle sighed and rolled his eyes. “Really, Artemis. Do you think I’d do anything to harm you or make you look foolish?”

“Without hesitation.”

Jarlaxle pouted. “I’m hurt, abbil.”

Artemis scowled at him, but it wasn’t as intense as it could have been. “You certainly will be if you try anything stupid. What _something_?” 

Jarlaxle smiled at the small victory, and stood, moving closer to him. “One you should enjoy.”

Artemis took a step back and looked to Dwavel who had appeared as if summoned, pouring more liquor into Jarlaxle’s empty glass. “Dwahvel will let you know if you are in danger.”

She shrugged. “Sure. If anyone approaches and you don’t notice, I’ll throw something at you.” She crossed her arms and leaned a hip against the bar, grinning at the two of them.

Artemis glared at Dwahvel and then Jarlaxle. “I don’t trust this. What are you planning? No magic!”

“I swear to use no magic outside of my own natural charm.”

“Charm. Is that what you’re calling it?” Artemis picked up his glass and swallowed his sixth shot of the amber liquid.

Jarlaxle gave him his best kicked puppy look, hand over heart. “You wound me, Artemis.”

“I’m _going_ to wound you if you don’t tell me what you’re planning.”

He shrugged casually, as if it were nothing. “Nothing dangerous.”

“Then why not just tell me?”

“Do you want it to be dangerous?”

“No! I don’t want it at all!” Artemis glared at Jarlaxle and swayed slightly on his feet. It was the only outward sign that Artemis wasn’t completely sober.

“How do you know? You don’t know what I’m proposing.” 

“You aren’t proposing anything. You’re letting your mouth run in circles again.”

“Did you want me to propose? I always imagined you’d do the asking.” When Artemis growled threateningly Jarlaxle took a breath and leaned against the bar. “I promise it won’t hurt, you won’t be in danger, and you might even enjoy it.”

“Doubtful.” Artemis glared at him for two full minutes, but when Jarlaxle refused to say anything further he sighed resignedly. “Fine. Let’s get this over with so I can get back to drinking.”

Jarlaxle pushed off the bar and approached him slowly, hands open and arms outstretched. “Such a scowl, abbil. It’s not good for your health to frown so much.” He stepped into Artemis’ personal space and hesitated, expecting to be shoved away or Artemis to take a step backward. 

Their faces were mere inches apart and Jarlaxle could feel the warmth of Artemis’ breath on his cheek and smell the honeyed liquor. “Save it and just get on with this ridiculousness.” Artemis’ voice had dropped in volume and taken on a gruff but intimate tone. Jarlaxle would be lying if he said it didn’t have a profound effect on his ability to think clearly. 

“Suddenly so eager!” Jarlaxle grinned broadly.

“Eager for this foolishness to be finished. If you don’t hurry I may stab you just to relieve the boredom.”

Jarlaxle placed his hands against Artemis’ leather-clad chest. “Do you promise to let me finish the entire experiment before you do anything?”

“Jarlaxle.” It was more of a growl than language. 

Jarlaxle wasn’t exactly sure when he’d moved closer, or at what point Artemis had stopped glaring, but both of those things happened. Time slowed, the noise of the bar faded into the background, and the air felt charged in a way that was frighteningly exciting.

“Fine. Just get on with it.” Artemis yanked his gaze away and fidgeted with his glass.

Jarlaxle reached out and gently turned Artemis’ face toward him. The way he stood still even as Jarlaxle leaned in was almost dreamlike, as if he’d anticipated it. Wanted it, even. There was plenty of time for Artemis to pull away, and Jarlaxle fully expected him to, which was why it was such a shock as their lips made contact. 

Artemis’ body went rigid under Jarlaxle’s palms, as if frozen solid. His eyes were open but his gaze was detached and everything about his reaction was disinterested. It was anything but erotic, and screamed danger. Jarlaxle began to believe he’d made a terrible mistake as Artemis’ hand crept toward his dagger. 

It was time to call a halt to the bet, and he would have. Except for the tentative touch at his hip and flicker of life in Artems’ eyes. Jarlaxle slid a hand up Artemis’ chest, tangling his fingers in the soft hairs at the base of his neck. “Artemis.” Jarlaxle whispered the name against his unmoving mouth. “Abbil.” Jarlaxle flicked out his tongue and teased at Artemis’ lower lip before nibbling along his jaw as he continued to speak. “I know you’ve been kissed before.” Jarlaxle dragged his lips down Artemis neck and felt his shiver. The fingertips resting against his side became a hand firmly gripping his hip. “Participation _is_ encouraged, abbil.” He felt Artemis take a shuddering breath and pull back. 

Jarlaxle prepared for violence, sure he’d pushed as far as Artemis would allow. When he opened his mouth to talk his way out of bodily harm, Artemis covered it with his own, gliding the tip of his tongue along the inside of his lips, teasing and tasting. Jarlaxle hesitated briefly, momentarily in shock, before eagerly returning the kiss, sliding his tongue along Artemis’, pulling gently at his hair now fisted in his hand. Jarlaxle couldn’t help the self-satisfied smile as Artemis moaned softly. 

It was like everything holding Artemis in check dissolved in an instant. Artemis leaned in, hands sliding eagerly across Jarlaxle’s body, one pressing against the middle of his back, the other dipping lower to cup his ass and haul him forward. It was difficult for Jarlaxle to concentrate with Artemis pressed against him everywhere, caressing his body, coaxing sounds from him like he knew exactly how to touch Jarlaxle, like they’d done this many times before. Artemis’ lips were soft but demanding, pulling kiss after kiss from him before burning a trail along his jaw and down his neck. Jarlaxle tilted his head sideways, wordlessly pleading for more, encouraging Artemis with soft moans of pleasure. He hooked a leg around Artemis’ hip just as Dwahvel cleared her throat behind them. “Would you two like a room?”

Jarlaxle chuckled shakily and slowly lowered his leg, trying not to look as stunned as he felt. Artemis staggered back, scowl immediately snapping back into place. “What the fuck, Jarlaxle?”

“If you’d like to get to _that,_ abbil, I’m game. But we might want to continue elsewhere.” Jarlaxle smirked and stroked the front of Artemis’ armor, glad his hands weren’t visibly shaking. He barely felt the dagger as it plunged into his side. Jarlaxle glanced down at the hilt of the knife and then up to Artemis’s face as the blade was quickly withdrawn, still not fully registering what just happened. The pain began to sink in as Artemis turned and stormed out of the Copper Ante.

Jarlaxle winced and swept his hat from his head, quickly locating the Orb and healing himself. Dwahvel shook her head and chuckled. “Well, I suppose you won, even though he did stab you with his dagger. The pointy metal one.” She slapped five gold onto the bar. 

“The terms were stabbing for even attempting a kiss.” Jarlaxle looked towards the door, mind swirling with many emotions. “I think we’ll both agree that it went way past an attempt.”

“Never would have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.” 

Jarlaxle turned back to Dwahvel and picked up the gold before glancing over to the table with the two gossips. He winked when he caught her eye. “What can I say? I’m irresistible.” He pocketed the gold and placed his hat back on his head with a flourish. “If you’ll excuse me, Dwahvel, I have an assassin to further inspire.” He placed a gold piece back on the counter. “For the drinks, and the opportunity.” He grinned and turned, heading for the door.

“Careful he doesn’t stab you again!”

Jarlaxle laughed and called back over his shoulder. “Oh I have every intention of letting him stab me, but next time with his _other_ _dagger_.”

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a follow-up which will be pure PWP, the "w" in this case signifying "without". ;)


End file.
